September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness month. I will be the first person to say that before my Michael got sick I probably didnt know this information. If I would see a commercial for St.Judes or some other organization I wouldve changed the channel. Now of course its not that I didnt care but it was just too heartbreaking to watch. What kind of person did that make me? Was I a horrible person to turn away from it?

Well that answer would be No!!..

 No one wants to think of a little kid having cancer. Why would they? Kids shouldnt get cancer. They should be able to grow up in the safety of their parents,going to school,learning how to play sports. Their life shouldnt be filled with chemo treatments,weeks sometimes months in the hospital and not knowing whether tomorrow will be their last day here on earth. These kids are the strongest kids in the world when they shouldnt have to be. I would give anything to have one more day with my Munchkin...For Joey to have one more day with his little brother.

 I spread awareness for this cause because every Parent,Grandparent,Aunt and Uncle,Cousin and Friend should be able to hug a kid.....NOT A HEADSTONE!!


September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!...but in this house its every year,every month...for the rest of our lives.

Spread the word!!!.....LETS FIND A CURE!!!

Friends!!

I was told once that on one hand you can count your true best friends. The people that REALLY know you(faults and all) and still want to be your friend. This is EXTREMELY true in the case of my best friend Sheila. For those of you who know me know the funny story of how we became friends. For those of you who dont let me enlighten you.

Sheila and I went to the same high school and knew of eachother but didnt hang out or anything. When I was 17 I started dating my first real boyfriend named Michael. We went out for a year and then broke up,got back together,you know the drill. Well one night I was out with my friends and saw him pull up to the same place I was...with another girl in the car....that girl being Sheila...we didnt know it at the time but we were both dating him at the same time. Now nether of us knew about eachother at the time.so instead of going the usual route of girls fighting and screaming over the same man...We dumped his ass and became friends. We have been friends ever since.

The reason I tell this story is because of all the shit that has gone on in our lives....problems..men..
arguments....heartbreaks..families...our friendship has never changed. We have alot of things in common now more than ever. We have children...we've had cancer in our family...but we ALWAYS have eachother.

We still joke that we cant ever be apart bc we have too much dirt on eachother..LOL..oh and we still plan to send flowers to that guy to thank him for bringing us together..;)

Happy Fathers Day Daddy!!!

Happy Fathers Day to every wonderful Dad that I know...especially my own.

I am an official Daddys girl. Always have been and for people that are lucky enough to know my Dad they know why. Hes wonderful. Hes sweet. Hes stubborn as a mule but most of all is he is my hero. I would usually say that my twin is the only person who can tell what Im going to say before I say it but Dad and I are pretty much the same way. I dont have to tell him when Im upset,or happy,or scared. He just knows..sometimes even before I do.

Im told that I look the most like him and I find that to be a huge compliment. To me my Dad is the most handsome man ever.  He has the power to make me feel better with just one hug(ok and a kiss on the forehead). When he finds something to be really funny and laughs his whole face lights up like a Christmas tree. Now dont get me wrong he is not perfect...LOL...He is stubborn...he tells Dad jokes(you all know what I mean by that..LOL) and when he thinks hes right about something you can talk to him til youre blue in the face and he will not back down..but thats what makes him Dad..MY Dad.

What makes my Dad even more special is that he makes one hell of a Pop Pop. Watching him with Joey is amazing. He tells me Joey is alot like him when he was little and that makes me smile bc if he turns out to be anything like my Dad he will be AWESOME!!!.

I tell my Dad pretty much everyday that I love him. What he doesnt always hear from me is that I respect him....and look up to him.....and that he is my hero.

So to my wonderfully stubborn,handsome and funny Dad....I LOVE YOU!!!...Happy Fathers Day!!

Happy Mothers Day Mom.....I didnt understand.

Well first of all Happy Mothers Day to all of the wonderful Moms I know. It is one of my favorite days to celebrate (a little harder the last few years of course). I was thinking the other day about how many people were thinking of me on this day. I felt overwhelmed. All of my friends and family were thinking how hard this day must be for me. Well it was. VERY HARD!!.

I was watching Joey try and make sure I had the best Mothers day ever. He makes me smile sooo much and brings the craziest,funniest,wackiest and the most fun everyday already. He made me breakfast in bed,gave me a beautiful crystal angel and we went Monster mini golfing. All I needed was him to make me smile. And he did..:)

Then I started to think of my Mom and then like a ton of bricks it hit me. How hard it must be for her to watch her little girl on Mothers Day without one of her sons here. It honestly never occured to me how hard this must be for her...She has all her kids wishing her a Happy Mothers Day!!....and I dont!! Im sure its hard for my friends and family to see me missing a little part of myself. But it has to VERY HARD for my Mom and Dad.

I can tell you that during our battle with Michael I was at times(well most times) a complete pyschob*tch. I didnt want anyone to help me,talk to me,look at me and most of all console me. I wanted to do everything myself and swore that I could do it alone. I fought with everyone..and I mean EVERYONE!!!

What I realized later on was that it was just as hard to watch people you love go through something like this. Like I said it never hit me. I was soo hard on everyone and tried to push everyone away as they were just trying to deal with it as well.

I watch Joey now and would love to take any pain away that comes to him whether its being sick,feeling alone or just having a bad day. Im sure he will do the same thing to me and want to just deal with everything himself. So to everyone who stayed with me during my horrible moments...you know who you are..and ESPECIALLY to my Mom...Thank you..and Im sorry..I didnt understand.

Happy Mothers Day Mommy!!

2nd year is harder than the first.

People say the first year of anything is the hardest..especially when you lose a loved one. I was thinking about this and found out..at least in my opinion..that this is not true. I spent the first year after losing Michael trying to prove to everyone(mostly myself) that I was strong enough to handle all of it. I kept that smile on my face almost permanently thinking that if I was "on" all the time I would be fine. Needless to say it didnt work. Why did I think I had to prove anything?

The first everything after Michael passed WAS hard. The first Easter,Birthday,Christmas,New Years etc....it was devastating. I hated only making one Easter basket..one set of Christmas presents...Birthday presents on a headstone instead of watching a sweet little boy open them up and scream in delight. How come I dont get to see or do that anymore?

Year 1 was spent in disbelief and shock which is why I believe year 2 is harder. This is how I will spend every year. I will spend it as a grieving Mom of a sweet little Nuzzlebunny. I will still read The Sneetches and The Lorax to the sky everyday. I will still kiss his picture goodnight and tell him I miss him and love him with all my hearts. The smile may have been there for year one..but its starting to crack a little for year 2.