This is the second year of holidays without our Munchkin. Id like to think it will get easier over time but lets face it...that will never really happen..and people that say it does are wrong. How can that feeling ever lessen or get better?
I can get through the holidays just like I did last year. There are triggers that set me off though and sometimes Im not even ready for them. Example:..Target..I was shopping with my mom and Karyn in Target not long ago...having fun..spending time together and laughing. Then it happened..I got to the baking aisle...Now you would think that the Christmas aisle or toy aisle would cause a little meltdown..and sometimes it does....but today...it was the baking aisle.
Now anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE to bake...especially with my boys...cookies,cupcakes,just about everything..it was our thing..my little quality time with them fighting over who is going to lick the spoon, contemplating a flour fight and anxiously awaiting for the timer to go off.
Now back to story: I got really quiet and just started to tear up. Karyn(who of course knows me better than I know myself)..looked at me and immediately knew what was going on. She ushered me quickly out of the aisle and gave me a very big hug,then told Mom and she gave me another hug. I rubbed my eyes and tried to hide the fact that I was crying and we went on our way through the store.
I never know what will set me off. It could be a picture,a toy,a song,ANYTHING.....so if you see me in a store and Im crying in the toy aisle or in the boys section of clothes...just give me a smile...it will pass and I will be fine again...like I said before it will never get easier but maybe the things that trigger me will start to happen less and less.