This time of year is supposed to make people feel wonderful. The feeling of giving gifts and spending time with family. Watching as the kids beg to open their presents early and leaving cookies and milk for Santa. When you are a greiving Mom or Dad though it ALL changes!! Almost every greiving family I know have other children but the holidays are never the same.
I had to go Christmas shopping today!! Now usually I would be jumping for joy as I would be entering Toys R Us and no one in the world would be able to contain my excitememnt as I would be picking out presents and shoving them into the cart. Today was different of course. I entered the store and immediately wanted to walk back out. I HATE not buying presents for two boys. I HATE going past the aisles of cars toys,hot wheels and puzzles knowing I would normally be ripping them from the shelves and thinking"WOW I cant wait til Michael opens this".Now I buy presents for him and leave them at his grave. My heart is ripped from my chest when I think about it. I dont want Christmas. I would rather it pass by without a second thought,but I cant let that happen.I have a wonderful son who NEEDS Christmas more than ever. He still believes in Santa but we believe in Michael more.
For all my greiving families out there..especially Jen,Robynne and Lorraine..Try to have a Merry Christmas this year. Some of us may be a little too old to believe in Santa..but we will ALWAYS believe in OUR special Angels..;)